| ugh. |
[03 Dec 2003|02:37am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
sometimes people may say things and you try to not let it get to you. "it's not worth it, just forget about it." you think to yourself over and over and over. the little voice in your head means well.
but you can't help it. you're still thinking about it. like an itch that won't go away, in the back of your mind. the more you try to make it go away the more it's there, it perpetuates. "just stop thinking about it! you're only making it worse!" but by then you're irritated.
so it's gotten to you. "well if so-and-so hadn't said that in the first place then we wouldn't be in such a bad mood, would we?!" you snap to the little-voice-that-meant-well.
just for one second i wish i could be insensitive, i wish i could be apathetic. then i wouldn't care. maybe i'd even be resilient.
being apathetic can hurt other people, but being sensitive can make you vulnerable.
this is something i haven't felt in a long time.
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| so i sit here... |
[26 Nov 2003|01:25am] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Jay-z ft. Pharrell - Change Clothes |
] |
engrossed in reading all the LJ entries that i hadn't read in forever when i snapped out of it and realized...
i have a 10 page paper due tomorrow in which i only have 6.1 pages!!
i didnt do any interviews and put them in my paper like i was supposed to, aahhh shiit. i hate poli sci 1.
thats ok, i'll just call tomorrow morning and then stick em in my paper and then rush it over to turn it in all before noon.
great time management by an EVP, i know.
i'll be home soon!! by this time tomorrow i'll be at hoome.
i want to go to a b-day party but i dont have an ID. poop!
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| xanga is DOWN! |
[13 Aug 2003|08:34pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Loon - Relax Your Mind |
] |
haha wow i havent written in this thing forEVA. xanga's been down for the past few days...so i suppose i'll post in this thing and get back in touch with the LJ community (not like i was missed by the LJ community anyways!)
besides going home for like three weeks at the beginning of summer, i've been stuck here at Cal taking a stat class and a business class, and then interning at Morgan Stanley. its been a long and tedious summer.
[well, besides a few perks, like getting into a 21+ club for a bday bash by passing for a 23-year old named ann-yu (courtesy of Joyce Li for the ID) and revoking my statement of proposed sobriety (courtesy of lemon drops, coke with vanilla vodka, and random adios motherfuckers).]
FINAL for stat tomorrow and friday....and then it's
HOME it'll be so sweet to be home! ill be home for like five days...coming back here to Cal on Weds so we can table at Calapalooza on Thurs. and then ship off to retreat...and then school starts the week after that. damn. where the hell'd summer go??
GOOD DOWNLOADS:
Hieroglyphics - Cab Fare, You Never Know, One Life One Love, Miles to the Sun
Cake - I Will Survive, Never There, Sheep Go to Heaven
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[27 Feb 2003|12:24am] |
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mood |
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 busy |
] |
I distinctly know the difference between Brian Fong and Ernest Cheng.
...so i'm about to walk home from the library and i notice that IT'S RAINING LIKE NO OTHER. i opened the door and was like, "OH MAN!!!!" so i stood under the roof and called Myra who was inside to tell her that it was raining. What's funny is that while i was tlakign to her, some guy opened the door and did the EXACT same thing i did, which was look out and say, "OH MAN!!!!" only he went inside.
ABA ski retreat this weekend at Tahoe!! im soo excited! but im also SOO screwed because i have my econ midterm on Monday! blah to that.
still havent figured out what to do for my date for date auction. a bunch of us want to hit a comedy club but theres too many people who want to do it, so i guess we'll all discuss it at retreat to see who'll go and who won't. it makes me nervous just thinking about it. someone's going to take pity on me and buy me for $5. sorry to those who are tired of hearing me complain about it. ok ok i promise i wont mention it in the LJ again.
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| random stuff |
[25 Feb 2003|10:12pm] |
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mood |
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busy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Simple Plan - I'm Just a Kid |
] |
tonight was 1st scrapbooking session! i liked the page i did, i wish i coulda kept it for myself. ;D speaking of which, i wonder what happened to the doll that alan made of me last semester...i hope somebody kept it, because i would have kept that myself too! i had a purse and everything. lol.
hmm, life comes with it's dissapointments. but i eh, whatEVs. =) theres still more things in store for me (and more fish in the sea).
duuude...ABA ski retreat is THIS WEEKEND!! i still havent told my mom...and i dont know if im gonna go boarding...and i dont haver a real ski jacket...and i have an ECON MIDTERM THE FOLLOWING MONDAY!! AAAAHHH!!!!!
ok, must go do homework now.
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| now for a real entry... |
[24 Feb 2003|10:34pm] |
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mood |
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busy |
] |
asdlfjal;sdkf so much reading to do tonight and i have 8 AM class tomorrow! noo!
sometimes i wish i hadnt signed up for date auction. like now. no one's gonna buy me. ok, i should rephrase. sure, people will buy me but thats because they'll take mercy on me and buy me out of pity for like $20. *sigh* so sad.. =P
sometimes i feel ok about date auction and sometimes i don't. i decided to stick with it because i'd feel like a chicken if i backed out on it. and i also decided to stick with it because i thought i should challenge myself with unfamiliar/uncomfortable situations, because thats how you become a better, more experienced person. =P i know, ill just stick it out.
Billy made a bet with me that i would be one of the top 3 people who get sold for the highest prices at date auction. HAHAHAHAH thats a funny. anyway, we bet on lunch. IM SAYING HE MIGHT AS WELL BUY ME LUNCH NOW TO GET IT OVER WITH.
anyway, date auction isnt for awhile, so ill try not to worry about it. i needa get to work!
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| isn't that crazy?? |
[24 Feb 2003|11:40am] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
] |
i went to sleep at 4 AM and i woke up, NATURALLY at 8:30 AM without feeling super tired or something. no alarm clock! just woke up! and my first class today wasnt til 10. isnt that CRAZY?! that's crazy!! *in a brian-fellow tone of voice*
haha, just thought id report that. now im off to Heller Lounge to study 'til 2. a damain!
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[24 Feb 2003|02:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Simple Plan - Meet You There |
] |
and so, Life serves up another interesting tidbit to boggle my mind about so many unforseen things.
do tell.
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| today was my night with bartles & jaymes |
[23 Feb 2003|01:49am] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Get Up Kids - Mass Pike |
] |
today was ABA's 1st VITA session. it's so..fulfilling and accomplishing. at least if i didnt help myself catch up on homework today i helped ppl with their taxes.
boy you know you know
i seen you for awhile
and i dont know i dont know
but i can tell by your smile
somethin about the way you look at me
thats tellin me
all that you wanna say
before you even speak...
you mother f*in with me?
just aint no need for words to speak
be talkin talkin talkin talkin to me
see how you look at me
its hard for you to go
so wont u tell me all the things
that i already knew
everytime our eyes meet
be talkin talkin talkin talkin to me
Amerie ft. Foxy Brown - Talkin' To Me Remix
ok should listen to more happy music now.
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[22 Feb 2003|02:56am] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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man, today was a good day! Buddy bowling turned out super, and i really owe it to Billy. he was super gung-ho about finding more drivers, and i kind of stood there and was like, "ok..." yeah, i feel bad about not doing much, and i think that most of the success of Buddy Bowling should be accredited to him. Overall, the event was great, everyone had fun. yay!!
man, i learned about lots of things today, and lots about myself. but its so late and its hard to put everything into words. i dont know how to explain it. everything's a jumble.
anyway, theres VITA tomorrow, i should get going! =)
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[21 Feb 2003|12:58am] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
] |
DO I FRIGGING THINK TOO MUCH?
GAH, OK ill shut up now. NOW! must remember to stick to that list of stuff to work on.
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| i feel insecure |
[21 Feb 2003|12:45am] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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HELLA insecure. i need to be more aggressive.
gosh i dont know, i feel dumb suddenly. well i dont know. im just insecure. i totally am. everything seems fuzzy and grey. i wish someone could just tell me HEY YOU, YOU'RE DOING So and So good, but you need to improve this! blah blah!
god, maybe i need to wake up. i cant rely on ppl to tell me what im doing right and wrong. but the thing is taht im afraid its one of those things where im doing something terribly wrong and i cant see it. im always afraid of that. i never want to do stuff WRONG.
different people have different perspectives and approaches. so which one is the best? i mean, i know that different ones have their pros and cons but i think in some situations some are better than others. so what about my approach? is it working or not? i guess i could see how in some ways its not, but i cant think of any other reasons that it isnt. but ARE there? like i said, is it one of those things where my approach is like...TOTALLY off but i dont know it?? am i just too blind to see what im doing wrong if im doing something wrong at all?
i feel like the hare in the tortoise and the hare. the stupid hare, who thought he was ahead of the game but it turned out to be the other way around.
i suppose, if im feeling so insecure. i should go do something about it. yes, that would be the right thing to do. to he who is determined, it remains only to act, right?
right?
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[17 Feb 2003|02:40am] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
yay for big brothers who give you good resume tips! hehehe...
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[16 Feb 2003|10:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
blah. that's how i feel. i've been trying to study today and i didnt get what i had wanted to get finished..i just got distracted every five seconds. i have no self-discipline anymore! and at the same time, i was worried. well, i'm still worried. i dont know if im going to get an A in econ (i doubt i will) and i dont think im going to get into HAAS. i suppose there's no point in worrying about those kinds of things, the only thing i can do is put in 110% and pray.
on another gloomy note, im NOT looking forwards to Spring break. well i am and im not. i am becuase i wont have to do work, im not becuase i'll be hella bored and missing out on stuff. i thought id be used to missing out on things now but apparently im not. everyone i know is going somewhere, or if they're not going anywhere, they're still gonna be in school.
argh..must...stay...on...positive...side...*struggling* i hope i can AT LEAST read some books that ive been wanting to read. AT LEAST. at every holiday i say that im going to read a lot and i end up NOT doing so. so i better read during spring break, dammit! Catch Me If You Can and The Art of the Steal by Frank Abagnale, and The Machine Stops by E.M. Forster.
hm. that is all for now. i'm behind schedule. (as usual) argh, ok i better stop moping around. HEY DEB, STOP MOPING YOU MORON!!!!! (wow, i NEVER use 3rd person)
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[16 Feb 2003|04:25pm] |
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mood |
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working |
] |
yesterday i went to Fremont with Karen, Alan Hsia, Perry, and Emma. We dropped Karen and Alan H. at Karen's house as soon as we got there, so it was Perry, Emma, and Me for the rest of the afternoon. we went to Perry's house because he had to take care of stuff, and then went to Tapioca Express for boba, chicken, and a nice talk. Then we headed back to Berk, and then decided on The Recruit in Emeryville. It was PED day, for Plo, M, and Deb, but Alan came too so it turned into PEAD day for Plo, M, Al, and Deb. then CPK and then home!
that was a fun-filled day along with the day before. but today and tomorrow i have to study my butt off. blah! im just wasting time right now because i dont want to study, but i'll have to get back to it now. boo. lots of stuff to catch up on.
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[15 Feb 2003|02:38am] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
valentines day!
fun!
eric, derrick, alan, alan hsia, perry
arlene, amy, karen, me, cindy, alicia, shelly
roses for the girls
perry was my "date"
dinner in SF
falling for alan's shoulder tap trick FOUR TIMES!
back to berkeley for MOndo Gelato
tiramisu and green tea gelato! yum!
then getting alan back. =D (but i still feel bad about the zip incident)
rented Bridget Jones Diary
hung out at Derrick's
home.
yay!
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